THE NEED FOR CHALLENGE, BUT NOT SUFFERING
I wanted to take some time to share a bit about challenge and suffering. Challenge we need. suffering we do not.
One of the things that I love most about yoga, is that yoga doesn’t shy away from suffering. In fact, yoga teaches us to embrace suffering. In the yoga sutras it is referred to as duhkham.
Suffering has many origins, but is essentially anything that throws us off of our equilibrium.
It can come from a change in circumstance, a longing for something we don't have, or a habit we have formed. The habit one is quite fascinating and warrants its own separate blog.
With 7.5 billion people on planet earth, fluctuating weather, news, stock market, etc., it is quite a gamble to leave your peace up to chance. It is a skill, a tool that must be developed.
Like so many people I found what I call the back door to spirituality in the form of physical yoga, or asana. At first my only goal was to offset the strain weight lifting, hockey and running was putting on my body.
Eventually I started to realize that yoga was not like other exercise or physical challenges I had put my body through in the past. There was an emphasis on finding calm within the struggle, and oh boy did I struggle.
When I entered my first yoga teacher training, I remember feeling like the least flexible person in the room (probably because I was)
It took me years to take on the challenge of meditation, I remember how at first I had a literal fear of sitting with my eyes closed for any extended period of time.
For 30+ years of my life, all of my attention was on my outer environment. I lived a highly stimulated life as a television producer and journalist in New York City where from the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to sleep, everything feels like a race.
It’s quite easy to distract yourself from yourself and I knew all the tricks. Staring at screens, indulgent food, alcohol/drugs, video games, women. You name it I tried it.
The day I decided to sit down and finally take a shot at this meditation thing I remember setting a clock for 15 minutes. After what felt like at least an hour I looked down at my clock because I figured it must be broken only to realize I hadn't even made it halfway to 15 minutes.
It was a couple years later before I really got serious about meditation. I remember finding out about a meditation retreat called vipassana Where participants go for a week to meditate 6+ hours every day. I think my initial reaction was something along the lines of "no fucking way."
Back in that yoga teacher training challenging myself physically and making progress took a lot of effort, but came somewhat naturally to me. Before long I was sticking my hands underneath my feet and standing on my head. One day my teacher said to me, "you are so smart, but you need meditation."
I have had moments throughout my life, I call them put a pin in it moments, where I know something profound is happening, or a profound moment of learning is happening.
This was one of those moments, it stuck in the back of my mind yet it took me years to fully embrace the challenge of developing a meditation practice. It takes a lot of will and energy to break the habit of being yourself.
As I write this today my meditation practice has evolved to doing multiple hours of meditation with relative ease. I consistently do over an hour every day, and my record is over five hours straight.
This of course didn't happen overnight and there are even still times despite how much benefit I have seen, that I question myself sitting with a blindfold on at 4 o'clock in the morning.
One thing stands out about this journey that I wanted to share and that is that we will be challenged in life no matter what, it is part of the human experience. However the same as an athlete trains hard in practice so that the game is easy, so to our our spiritual practices meant to be a training ground for life.
When we choose challenge on our own terms and we practiced being calm, present, and aware, these become our default behaviors when life doesn't "go our way. "
In all I have studied in the realms of spirituality, neuroscience, and self development, this is the most common thread that comes up over and over again. It is not the question of will challenge come up, but rather how do we deal with it?
My approach to life was aggressive and quick for many years. I had to find that back door with yoga and it lead me to that small steps = big wins.
I don’t begrudge any part of that journey it all, I think it helps me teach from a place of authenticity, a “been there, done that” which helps me relate to folks just starting out. And if that is you, I want to help so please don’t be shy.
