Surrender vs. Decision-Making: How Do You Know Which Way to Go?

A question I hear often in coaching is some version of:

> “I get the idea of surrendering to the flow of life… but I still have to make decisions. How do I know which choice is aligned with the ‘universal flow’ and which is just my fear, conditioning, or overthinking?”

It’s a beautiful question, because it sits right at the edge between spirituality and real life: jobs, kids, mortgages, aging parents, health, money. This isn’t about choosing between two yoga retreats. It’s about how you navigate those messy, consequential crossroads without losing your mind.

Let’s break it down.

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### 1. Surrender is not passivity

Surrender, in the way teachers like Michael Singer talk about it, is *not* about opting out of life or refusing to decide.

You’re still going to:

* Choose jobs.

* End or begin relationships.

* Move cities.

* Say yes or no to opportunities.

* Guide your kids (or your team) through hard situations.

Surrender is not “I don’t care what happens.”

It’s: **“I will act from the highest place in me that I can access right now, and then I will release my grip on the outcome.”**

You still move. But you move from a different state.

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### 2. Know thyself: Decisions follow identity

You can’t outsource all your choices to the universe if you don’t know who you’re trying to *become*.

Most people try to make decisions by running them through:

* Social pressure

* Family expectations

* Old scripts they absorbed from parents, culture, or Instagram

The deeper work is asking:

* *Who am I becoming?*

* *What kind of person do I want to be in this situation?*

* *Which choice aligns with my values, not just my fears or my comfort zone?*

When you’re clearer on that, decisions often “light up” differently. One option might still be scary, but it *matches* the person you’re trying to become. The other might be safer, but keeps you looping in the same patterns.

Surrender, then, is less about “waiting for a sign” and more about trusting that when you align with your truest self, you *are* aligning with the flow.

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### 3. You’re tuning a radio, not taking a test

Imagine your connection to intuition, Source, God, whatever language you like, as a radio.

* Early in the journey, there’s a lot of static.

* You pick up fragments of the “right station”, but it’s fuzzy.

* You’ll make decisions that, in hindsight, weren’t ideal.

That doesn’t mean you “failed the test.” It means you’re still learning to tune the dial.

Practices like meditation, breathwork, self-inquiry, and honest reflection aren’t self-improvement hobbies—they *increase your capacity* to receive clearer “signal”:

* The more you sit with yourself, the more you see your patterns.

* The more you notice your triggers, the easier it is to spot fear vs. genuine intuition.

* The more you define your values, the quicker you recognize what aligns with them.

You’re not just becoming a “better decision-maker.” You’re slowly evolving into someone who operates from a very different level of being.

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### 4. Making peace with past decisions

Another question that often comes up:

> “What about the decisions I made for my kids / my career / my life that I’m not sure were right? How do I live with those?”

Here’s the hard truth and the great mercy:

At every point in your life, **you made the best decision you could with the awareness, capacity, and information you had at that moment.**

You literally *could not* have decided from a consciousness you didn’t yet have.

As your awareness grows, it’s tempting to look back and judge your past self with the standards of your present self. That’s like criticizing a toddler for not being able to do calculus.

Surrender here looks like:

* Honoring the version of you who made those calls.

* Recognizing that the discomfort you feel now is part of your current growth.

* Letting the past be a teacher, not a prison.

From the perspective of the highest teachings, there is no such thing as “it didn’t pan out.” Everything is part of a larger homeostasis—nudging you toward deeper wakefulness. The question is less “Did I choose right?” and more “How am I relating to what happened now?”

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### 5. “Outsourcing” to the universe (without abdicating responsibility)

There’s a phrase I love: **“Outsource it to God.”**

If that word doesn’t work for you, swap in “Universe,” “Life,” “Source,” or “Intelligence.”

This doesn’t mean:

* You never think.

* You never plan.

* You ignore financial reality.

* You wait passively for miracles.

It means:

1. You do your due diligence.

2. You feel into which option most aligns with your values and the person you want to become.

3. You make the best decision you can from that place.

4. Then you **consciously hand the outcome over**.

You might literally say to yourself:

> “I’ve done my part. I’m choosing X from the highest place in me that I can access right now. I’m outsourcing the rest to the universe.”

And then your real work becomes:

**How will I meet whatever unfolds?** With panic, self-blame, and comparison? Or with curiosity, humility, and faith that even this can serve my growth?

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### 6. Trading certainty of outcome for certainty of faith

One of my clients recently distilled their mantra down to this:

> “I trade the uncertainty of the future for the certainty of faith.”

Faith not that:

* You’ll always get what you want.

* Life will follow your preferred script.

But faith that:

* Whatever happens, you will meet it with as much presence, courage, and compassion as you can.

* Even the detours, delays, and disappointments are somehow part of your unfolding.

* You are learning to trust the process more than you trust your predictions.

The brain is addicted to certainty. It’s a problem-solving machine that wants to know the outcome in advance so it can relax. Spiritual practice is what lets you relax *without* knowing.

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### 7. A simple experiment

If this resonates, try this for the next 7 days:

1. **Morning check-in (5 minutes):**

* Ask: *Who do I want to be today?*

* Name 2–3 qualities (e.g., present, courageous, kind).

* Visualize yourself making one difficult decision from that place.

2. **During the day:**

* When faced with a choice, pause.

* Ask: *Which option better matches the person I said I want to be?*

* Act from there, even if it’s mildly uncomfortable.

3. **Evening reflection (5 minutes):**

* Where did I act from fear, comparison, or control?

* Where did I act from clarity, courage, or faith?

* What can I learn—without beating myself up?

You’re not trying to become a perfect decision-maker.

You’re learning to live in such a way that, whatever you choose, you trust that life is walking with you, not against you.

That’s the heart of surrender.