WHEN YOUR PARENTS TELL YOU TO ABANDON YOUR DREAM
Like so many of us, I’ve found it hard to connect on a level I would like to with my family. It’s been a source of massive struggle for me but also an opportunity for immense growth. Recently as I was contemplating some big shifts in my life, my parents strongly suggested that I abandon ship on my dream of running life-changing wellness retreats and get a “real job.”
To say this hurt is a massive understatement but it also lit a huge fire underneath me.
My recent shifts came after some dark days and spawned from a place of knowing that I was leaving potential on the table. It was somewhere between a mid-life and full existential crisis. My life is OK but I could feel this yearning for so much more and a desire to shift the story I was telling myself. I felt unsatisfied with my fitness level, my business, my social circle, my dating life, my home, just about everything felt inadequate. It got so bad it brought me to tears.
I could always feel an undercurrent of doubt from my parents with regards to my life choices. Since I was in elementary school I can remember feeling like my parents were always waiting for me to fail and coming down hard on me when I did. In middle school I was tested for learning disabilities because my grades were so bad. It was terribly embarrassing. The tests revealed that I in fact had a very high IQ, I simply didn’t learn well in the environment that I was in. I needed structure, help and a different approach that never came.
By high school I asked to go to a catholic college preparatory school as I knew another four years on the current path in public school wouldn’t work. I had glimpses of greatness in high school muddled by still not being a fit for a classroom setting and discovering drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism my junior year.
My grades weren’t good enough to get into a top-tier college and my mom cried when I went to my college of choice because it was “depressing” and “disappointing.” I left after three semesters, came home and began working in restaurants. I ballooned to over 260 pounds and stayed out late into the night partying and then driving home which eventually landed me in jail.
Knowing something had to change I quit my restaurant job and I began working at a gym and working out daily. I transferred to St. John’s University in Queens which is where I was raised until age five. I always liked the energy of the city over the suburbs. Having lost my drivers license, I rode my bike (even in the snow but not uphill both ways) to get to a train, then took a bus in a pretty sketchy neighborhood to get myself to school.
Despite graduating with a 3.75 GPA and losing almost 100lbs my parents never said they were proud of me. To this day my dad has never uttered those words. I don’t think it’s because he’s not, he just doesn’t know how to verbalize it. I celebrated a birthday last week and he never wished me a happy birthday. He’s just not that kind of guy.
Recently I picked up David Goggins’ book “Can’t Hurt Me” and it really changed my life. Here was a guy who didn’t learn well in high school so he cheated and ended up a 300lb professional roach killer before deciding he wanted more out of life. Without giving away the whole book, this guy has accomplished more than almost any person ever has in the military and as an inspiration to others. His upbringing was also a million times worse than mine, he literally escaped a nightmare
Through meditation and spending countless hours with myself, I’ve come to realize my parents' doubts and fears come from a place of love and a desire to protect me no matter how misguided it may seem to me. They provided me a safe home and expressed love the best way they knew how. One of the hardest things to accept is that our parents are just people doing their best.
I realized recently that the story I’ve just shared with you is simply that, a story. I’ve spent a lot of energy on blaming the parts of my life I’m unsatisfied with on other people and circumstances. We all have challenging paths to walk but true liberation and joy comes from finding the strength to be the creator of your own life, not a victim of it.
My goal is and always has been, to lead by example. I finally fully quit smoking weed after 20 years of excuses, I’m working harder in the gym than I ever have, eating cleaner than I ever have, I’m working hard at creating meaningful relationships, I’m taking time to rest and I’m quieting my mind when it tries to take the easy way out. Most of all I’m taking full responsibility that my life is my creation.
I’m not giving up on my dreams and I’m dreaming even bigger. I’m shifting the intention of our retreats to attract people that truly want to make big changes in their life and are willing to put forth the effort it takes to be great. Our four day retreats are now called, “best life training camp” and are scheduled out through May of next year. They will include fitness classes, mindset meditation, intuitive breathwork, NO PHONES!, and some new surprises to really help you uplevel your entire life, mind, body and spirit. I’m launching group coaching, our first group which kicks off today and has 19 badass people enrolled in it.
I love many aspects of spirituality and the spiritual community, I am a firm believer that your thoughts do in fact create your reality. I also know that the universe responds to effort and that anything truly great must be earned. If you’re reading this and think things could be better in your life, consider this your wake up call to the life you really want to lead. One of the most powerful things I’ve learned is that what holds us back from being who we truly want to be is the story we tell ourselves and small moments of choosing what’s easy over what we know will get us where we want to go.
Please take these words as a sign of hope that greatness IS possible for you and if I can help you achieve the life you want, let me know how I can help get you there.
